He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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