and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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