When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
