he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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