dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
