my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
