Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
