just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
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So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
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Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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