do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Randomize
