apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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