He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
whose ass print is on the piano?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
