gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
