billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
