I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
