It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
