So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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