she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She has the best kind of daddy issues
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
