thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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