I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
