you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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