we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
whose parrot is this?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
