I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
