1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
