he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
As shirtless as possible
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
