I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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