I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
