don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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