i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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