Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
