Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
