so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
