Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
