Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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