I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
