Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
