im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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