can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
