he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
they call him Oral-B. enough said
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize