The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
