Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
