we're chasing vodka with high fives
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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