I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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