At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
