Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
