My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
