is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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