you didnt know i had herpes?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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