Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
