Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
