Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
