WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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