I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
