i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
