As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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