textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i think i just lost a toe
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
