Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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