Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize