dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
