God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
