How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
