dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
