did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize