We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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