Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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