I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
