I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
