I think my vagina is haunted
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
