I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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