didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
