I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
