He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found your dick twin last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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