I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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