Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She needs sedatives and a leash
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
