Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
