if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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