I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
